


Mother's Day

by lafayettesdick



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst AF, Cuddles, Cute, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mothers Day, Sad, Sadness, YOU'RE GOING TO HATE ME, i cried, please dont hate me, please please dont hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 22:12:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7909522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafayettesdick/pseuds/lafayettesdick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mother's Day comes around again, but Alexander isn't alone this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mother's Day

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so  
> I wrote this with my significant other. We posted it on Wattpad and eh. Abandoned it. So we are posting it here. :)

Alexander woke up and looked at the date, hoping he was reading it wrong. Of course, he wasn't; it was Mother's day. He sat up, just thinking of the date made something inside him heavy with an old, recurring sadness. The memories, old and inaccurate as they may be, of his mother came to mind. Usually, Alexander would hide in his room, alone to his thoughts, and write on this day every year. This year wasn't different. It is the day he cannot escape his memories or thoughts of his mother. It depresses him, and it squeezes at and contracts around his heart to think of how much he misses his mother. Getting up early as usual, he sat at his desk, not changing into any casual clothing yet. The first thing he could think to do was to write. Words; his mother was always proud of his ability to fluently create rivers of words that sounded beautiful, convincing, and confident. He wrote for hours; apologies, letters, stories, all to his mother.

As the day progressed on, Alexander's flatmate, John, had noticed that he didn't make an appearance at the table for breakfast. He had made them breakfast; eggs and bacon. However simple, he had made it for Alex, and was forced to put the remains of his friend's meal in the fridge, covered with saran wrap. John frowned and walked down the hall, toward Alexander's room. He knocked on the door gently.

"Alex, are you up?" From the other side of the door, Alexander's head shot up from previously facing down to the face of the desk, scattered papers aligning the entirety of it. Before he could contemplate answering, the door opened slowly, his flatmate entering quietly. "Are you okay?" John's eyebrows furrowed, showing his concern for his friend. Alex gave a half-hearted nod, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm fine..." He spoke just above a mumble, barely loud enough for John to hear him. The concern in John's face only increased. He looked the man up and down, seeing his unruly look.

"Are you sure?" John asked, quieter this time. His voice seemed along the bordering tones of friendship and something more. Alexander could only look at the other with tired, sad eyes, hoping that it would speak louder than any of his words ever could. John frowned just a little more. "I'll leave you alone then." he offered a gentle smile as he walked out of the doorway.

Alex mumbled his thanks, eyes on the door as it closed softly. He listened to the sound of John's retreating footsteps and looked back to what he was writing; an apology, addressed to his mother as though she were able to receive it. As though he would be able to show it to her, to see her face light up like it used to, when he had written to her all those years ago, and hear the voice he can barely remember distinctively. Telling him that his words would take him places in this life, that he could set himself free with his words. His vision blurred, pulling him back into the reality he so desperately wished he could change.

Before he could realize it, he stood up and started mindlessly mumbling to himself, hand in his let-down hair. Beginnings of sentences collided and mixed, not making sense. That is, to anyone excluding himself. The overwhelming feelings waved over him and tightened the heavy emotions around his chest, his breathing slightly quicker than normal. He frowned, giving a light tug of his hand, pulling at the hair tangled in his hand and mumbling in a quicker pace, gradually getting louder.

Time passed, slipping underneath Alexander's nose. John had eventually gotten curious yet again as to why Alex was locking himself away. He couldn't think of a reason as to what upset him so much. He decided to try again, walking toward Alex's door. He listened for a moment, hearing unintelligible muttering from the other side. He frowned a little, upset that Alexander was acting so oddly. He knocked on the door quietly again.

"Alex?" His kind, caring voice sounded from the other side of the still-closed door. Alex's head turned to the door, hand still intertwined in the tangles of his hair.

"J-John...?" His voice sounded weak, even to himself, but the unwavering unsettledness in his tone wouldn't calm down. John noticed this and he felt his throat get a lump in it. He cared so much for Alex.

"Can I come in, Alexander?"

"Yes.." He untangled his hand from his hair once the door opened, a weak smile on his face that hurt to force. He wanted to seem like he was at least a little okay, even though the rest of him wasn't. John walked into the room without a smile on his face. John looked over the room in silence as he tried to think of something to say. He parted his lips to speak, but nothing came out. John's eyes traveled to Alexander's. Alex looked down, the smile gone.

"I-I'm sorry, John..." He did his best to hide the quiver of his lip and the watery, unsteady tone to his voice, but to no avail. John took a step toward him.

"You don't have to be sorry.. You have no reason to." John couldn't help but let his eyes water to the brim at the sight of Alexander on the verge of a breakdown. He cared too much.

"I-I do... You got worried over me and... And I told myself I wouldn't let you see me like that..." Alexander kept his eyes downcast and head bowed, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to pour down his cheeks.

"You don't have to apologize for that, Alex. It's okay." John gave a small sigh. "I just want to see you happy."

"I-I... I d-didn-" Alexander's voice cracked, looking up as the tears silently streamed down his face. He couldn't hold back anymore, the feelings he'd been shoving aside all day coming out with every sob that escaped him. John could feel his heart falling to pieces as he saw the tears dripping from Alexander's face. He didn't hesitate to take more steps closer to Alex, and wrap his arms around the smaller, helpless man. The worry of being pushed away escaped his mind and he hugged him tightly to his chest, whispering that it was okay repetitively. Alexander held onto the front of John's shirt, choking on sobs as he kept trying to apologize over and over, John speaking over his apologies. John held Alexander as carefully but closely as possible, one hand holding his back and the other in his hair, gently playing with it.

After a while, Alex calmed down, mumbling into John's shirt.

"Can... Can you stay in my room, tonight?"

"Of course.." John whispered into Alex's hair. Alexander flashed a weak smile, whispering his thanks. John couldn't help but smile back.

That night they slept soundly, Alexander tight in John's arms.

* * *

 

The next morning, John had woken up first to the scent of Alexander's shampoo while holding him, his head rested on the top of Alex's. It was the best thing he could imagine waking up to. He slowly managed to wriggle out of Alex's grasp, hoping that he would sleep soundly after the eventful night before. He went to the bathroom, taking a shower to start his day, nice and bright. He expected it to stay that way. After a while, he stepped out, wrapping a towel loosely around his hips. He went into his own bedroom, getting changed and the doing the regular necessities before he went to brush his teeth. He was a rather particular, hygienic person.

John walked to the kitchen, starting to make breakfast for Alex. With the thoughts of the night prior still on his mind, John couldn't help but to smile the whole time while he was cooking eggs, bacon, toast, and two pancakes. He checked the time; 7:30 am. Alexander would be up soon, no doubt. He poured two cups of orange juice and managed to carry both plates, and both cups, to Alex's room. Opening the door was nearly impossible, but he could accomplish anything. Alexander woke up to the sound of a door opening and someone cursing under their breath. He sat up, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands lazily before opening them, blinking a few times to adjust to the brightness of the room, the morning sun shining in through the windows in bright, warm beams.

"John?" Alex called out, his eyes searching the room before looking up to John, having found him. John smiled and carefully sat on Alex's bed, the bed creaking softly while shifting to adjust to the new weight.

"I'm here; I brought food." John placed the plates on the bed, forks already on them. He set the cups on the wooden planked floor beside him. "I figured you deserved some breakfast in bed." Alexander gave John a sleepy smile, his eyes still set on John's. John chuckled a little at the bed head Alexander had. Alex picked up a plate, thankfulness shining through the tiredness of his expression. John's precious smile kept its place as he started to eat. Each of them got one pancake with syrup, three pieces of bacon, some eggs, and toast. John's had butter, while Alexander's had strawberry jam. He knew it was Alex's favorite.

"Thanks for this," Alexander spoke softly. John looked at Alex, swallowing his bite of pancake and licking his lips almost tauntingly before responding.

"It's the least I could do. I wanted to make sure we started out the day a little less awkward than it would have." he hid in his shoulders a little, the majority of his thoughts telling him that Alexander would agree completely and tell him how awkward it was cuddling with him, yet a part of him wishing he wouldn't. Alexander's cheeks heated up, a gentle pink spreading across his cheeks and nose.

"I found the cuddling more comfortable than awkward..." Alexander looked away, face reddening. John felt a small warmth mask his cheeks and he smiled a little.

"Me too. I didn't know if you'd think it was awkward, waking up to see me in your bed." John chuckled weakly. Alex looked back, his eyes trailing down to John's lips unconsciously before speaking his thoughts out loud, his voice soft yet somewhat distracted, as though something else was also on his mind.

"I'd much rather prefer to wake up that way." His eyes widened, the words escaping his mouth before he could stop himself from letting them come out from his thoughts. John's smile widened a little more, his cheeks noticeably getting darker.

"Why is that?" John couldn't hold his curiosity back and felt hope spread throughout his chest.

"Because..." Alex mumbled the rest, unable to bring himself to speak louder. He wasn't sure if he wanted to admit the rest or not, but the words came spilling out from his mind before he convinced himself to do so. "Because I enjoy the feeling of being in your embrace." John's heart fluttered and he took a small drink of his orange juice. He offered Alexander's cup toward him, wondering if he wanted any. Alex gave a small nod and took it, placing the cup in between his upper thighs with his hand covering the top. John's eyes flickered to where Alex had placed the cup and lingered unknowingly before quickly looking away.

"I like holding you, too." John mumbled and took a bite of his food, feeling his cheeks flush completely. He wasn't as good with words as he wanted to be. Alex, on the other hand, had so many words he wanted to tell John, but he didn't want to risk ruining whatever was developing now.

The rest of their breakfast continued quietly, neither of them able to think of conversation that would hold suitable enough to last. They got ready afterwards, and were able to communicate again when John took Alex out for a walk to the park. John didn't bring up the night before and casually avoided talking about anything having to do with celebrations. Their walk was calm. Later that day, as it started to get dark, Alex and John sat on the couch, watching Pinocchio. The movie started coming to an end when Alexander's stomach growled loudly. Both of them laughed.

"I'll make something for dinner." John chuckled, starting to get up.

"No," Alexander grabbed his arm, stopping him, "You've been doing things for me all day. I'll make dinner. I will do the dishes too."

"But, Alex-"

"No. Go get the plates and stuff from this morning. I'll wash them later tonight." Alexander smiled. John let his eyebrows tilt upward, toward his forehead. "Please, let me do this for you?"

"Fine..." John sighed, falling back onto the couch lazily as Alexander walked into the kitchen. He let a smile spread on his lips.

"What do you want to eat?" Alex called from the kitchen. John could hear the fridge being opened.

"Surprise me." John called out. He rested against the couch for a moment more, feeling the emptiness in the room, before getting up and heading toward Alexander's room. He opened the door and flicked on the light, walking over to the bed and kneeling to pick up the dishes. As he stood, he noticed papers sitting on the desk just beside Alexander's bed. He curiously raised an eyebrow as he set the plates and cups back down on the bed.

John sat down on the bed carefully, beside the dishes. He didn't like snooping, however his curiosity was piqued. He skimmed the paper and frowned a little before actually picking it up and reading it.

" _Querido Mamá, May 14th_

_It's your day again, today. Mother's Day, a day just for you. I'll use my words again, the ones you said you loved so much. I couldn't reserve these words to just our letters, Mamá. I've been writing and speaking mucho más. Remember, back in Nelvis, just before the sickness took over us, when you told me my words could set me free? That they could help me become a new, different man? They did, Mamá, and I wish you could have been there to see it. Been there to hold my hand. You would like it here._

_Lo siento mucho, for the times I couldn't take your pain of sickness and bare it all myself. For when I complained about the hurt when you yourself were hurting, trying to calm me. It is much too late for me to bare your sickness now, but I'll make up for it. I'll make you proud. Lo juro._

_I know I've mentioned this years and years before, but Mamá I miss you. I miss waking to you and seeing you. I miss it, te echo de menos. I've long known I can't have you on Earth with me, but I can still have but a small piece of you with every letter I write. I'll make it all up to you, Mamá. One day, one day sooner._

_If I could have spared your life over mine, I would have done it instantaneously. I used to think that, if I were to join you in the afterlife by meeting Muerte before I was supposed to, I would see you smile again, the way you did when you came home after working so late. But, I wouldn't see your real smile, the smile I still keep in my memories. It wouldn't be the same. I remember, faintly, of you telling me that there will always be a rainbow after terrible storm. I thought I was different, that I would have no colour after my world filled with greys and blacks. But, for once, I was wrong._

_Mamá, I have a close friend, John. He is my rainbow. I no longer want to meet my untimely death to see your saddened smile. Instead, he has taught me to wait for it. Even though he may not know it, he's taught me what those books you and I loved never could. You would like him. He is the rainbow after the storm. After the hurricane. If only you could meet him. You used to tell me about how you loved the bright and happy colours after the tired gloominess. If only you could see the colours, here, Mamá. They're shining, magnificent colours, not a spectrum black and white._

_Tu Hijo,_

_Alexander._

_I'll see you on the other side, someday, Mamá. Wait for me._ "

As John finished reading, his eyes blurred with tears, even though they had already started dripping down his cheeks moments before. The memories he had of his mother were long gone, but the feeling of her warmth and the sound of her laughter were somewhere in his mind, like a sickness without symptoms. He set the letter down where he had picked it up, holding his head in his hands. His mother was the closest woman he had, the only protector in his family that he could tell actually cared about him. His last memories of her had faded, but he could still hear her voice somewhere. The little nicknames she called him, or perhaps her gentle finger brushing a strand of hair out of his face. Tears that were overdue years ago warmed his cheeks and dripped from his chin.

He wiped his eyes, silencing himself slowly. The last part in the letter stepped into his thoughts and he furrowed his eyebrows. The rainbow after the storm. John heard his name being called and footsteps from the other room at that moment. Alexander knocked on the door and walked in, his eyes catching John's before feeling his chest tighten.

"John? Are, are you okay?" He walked over to the other and sat beside him, placing his hand under his chin lightly, making John look at him. John's eyes shone from tears and were outlined with red. John sniffled a little as he reached to wipe his tears with the back of his hand. "John, what ha-" Alexander cut himself off as he glanced to the letter. His eyes widened, trailing back up to John. "Did you read the letter..?" Alexander's eyebrows tilted toward his forehead worriedly. John hesitated to respond, but the look in his eyes were enough for Alexander to know the answer. Alex pulled John close and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry, John," he whispered. John's tears continued to roll down his cheeks and he closed his eyes during their embrace.

"I lost my mother too..." John spoke quietly. "When I was seven." John hugged a little tighter and gave a small sigh into Alexander's shoulder. "Tumor spread throughout her body and she died nearly a month after she was diagnosed. I didn't know until I was seventeen." The hug got tighter and John sniffled. "I'm so sorry, Alex."

They cuddled all that night, too, after they had finished empathizing with each other.

John woke up late the next morning to an empty bed. It was already cold, and John's arms lay where they once held Alexander. He gave a soft sigh as he slowly sat up. He ran a hand through his unruly, curly hair as he looked beside him, around at the room. The door was open, and he could hear noises from the kitchen. Alexander must have been doing the dishes.

John's amber eyes came across a letter on the desk. It wasn't there the night before. He furrowed his eyebrows as he saw the words "My dearest, Laurens," written at the top.

He stood, stretching his arms before he picked up the letter. He blinked a couple times before beginning to read.

_My dearest, Laurens,_

_I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for me in the past couple days. For having troubled you with my personal problems and causing your distress, I sincerely apologize. May 14th has always been a mournful day for me. I apologize for pushing you away without explanation and causing you to worry as much as you have; for those were not my intentions at heart._

_You are the closest friend that I have. I am compelled to thank you endlessly for that, let alone every other effort you have spared time for in my favor. Letting me stay in your home, catering to me; I will do anything in my power to make it up to you. However, as close as we have gotten, I long for something more between us. My longing has gone far too long unspoken; I have decided to take the risk of our relationship as friends into my hands and tell you this:_

_Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my dear Laurens, that it could be in my power, by actions, rather than words, to convince you I love you. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it, and we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed._

_John Laurens, you have stolen my heart. I will forgive you for your shady thievery, under the condition that I may have yours in return._

_May I have the pleasure and privilege to say truthfully that your heart belongs to me?_

_Alexander Hamilton_

* * *

 

Alexander stood in the kitchen, his worries from previous minutes set aside as his mind and thoughts had wandered from the topic he had been thinking of prior. He washed the dishes, staring at them as he scrubbed the syrup off the sides of the plates that were used the day before. He was unaware of the quiet footsteps sounding from the room down the hall.

John hadn't bothered getting dressed. He still wore only sweatpants and boxers. He walked into the kitchen silently and shirtless, taking note that Alexander had been too lost in thought to have noticed him, even though his back was turned.

Laurens walked close to Alex, and wrapped his arms around him from behind. Alex got tense for a moment before loosening up and feeling a warm blush fill his cheeks. He turned his head toward John, to find the sleepy man resting his cheek on Alexander's shoulder, facing him. Both of them had a pink glow to their cheeks.

Alexander turned off the water as John held him a little tighter, burrowing his soft face into Alex's neck.

"You may." John whispered. Alexander cocked his eyebrow for a moment before letting his lips part in realization. He wriggled out of John's grasp, turning quickly while the freckled man stumbled from the sudden independence in standing. Alex caught John in a tight embrace, hiding his red face in the taller man's chest. He fought not to let out a little squeal as John's arms wrapped back around him. However, a small portion of it did slip when he felt a gentle kiss land on his forehead.


End file.
